I’m here sharing about my life as I reflect and ponder about my life events, hurdles and figure the deeper meaning to the whys and hows of my experiences. Many times it’s a deeper learning, a learning to see that it is a pattern; something that has repeatedly occurred. In the past, bad boys were my thing, never seeing that I was drawn to them or that they were bad boys. Most good girls tend to fall for that reason – deep down if a bad boy changes for a girl that is the ultimate – the feeling that he must love me that much. Some girls love that challenge, to rescue or help an alcoholic guy or one that has an unstable career, thinking if I stick by him and help him he’ll see that I love him and he will change. I’ve learnt through my experiences that that’s not true. No guy changes because you give him your all. A guy needs to see that you put yourself first and that you have your own life, career, dreams etc and that you aren’t spending all your energy trying to fix his life. Also no one changes because of someone else. They change when they have realized something or hit rock bottom. A change from being uninterested in getting a good job or in staying sober comes from making a conscious choice which takes reflecting on what was going wrong. Once I realized why I was drawn to bad boys I consciously broke that pattern. It meant figuring out why do I feel this is what I need or deserve? What is truly good about them? What is it about these boys that I was drawn to? Would that sustain a relationship? The biggest question I recently asked myself was “would this guy be good enough for my daughter if I had one?” This very answer directed me to a better place in discriminating bad boys from the good long term boys. Answering some of these questions cleared it for me and hopefully could guide others.

“Once you figure out who you are and what you love about yourself, I think it all kinda falls into place.” Jennifer Aniston