We say “I love you” often. We sometimes express it through action whether it’s buying someone a new dress or helping out with the household chores. I recently read “The 5 Love Languages” by Gary Chapman which explains how each person expresses love differently. Some need a lavish gesture to know they are truly loved while some need quality time together with their loved ones. Others still need constant verbal affirmations that they are loved. What’s important is to know how people around you or your loved ones need to feel loved because you could be doing all sorts of things to express love and they will fail to see it as love. This applies to friendships and family relationships as well as romantic relationships. Knowing how you want to feel loved and telling the people what makes you feel special makes it so much simpler. It’s impossible to expect people to know otherwise. No one can read anyone’s mind so it’s best to tell them how you like to be loved than to be disappointed later on.
The other problem that results from not communicating how you want to be loved is expectation. For instance you expect a 5-star meal on your anniversary while your partner thinks a candle lit home cooked meal would melt you. This could disappoint you if you’d spent all day thinking about a fancy meal and what you’d like to wear etc. Assuming he’d know exactly what you’d want would result in the big night turning into a disappointment and the whole idea of celebrating the special night would be ruined. These situations can reoccur and can lead to more disappointments when there is a lack of communication in expressing how we want to be loved. It gets worse when this continues and leads to affairs. Affairs because when one feels a lack of love they start looking outside. For some strange reason we expect our partners to know what we want just because we are in a relationship and because he loves us. What’s sillier is we conclude that he doesn’t love us when he doesn’t do the things we expect whilst forgetting that it has never been communicated or expressed. Some men are simple minded and at times just need telling! When they forget it doesn’t mean that they don’t love their partners. They probably have a different perception about how love is expressed. Being aware of this is crucial. I express my love by cooking even though I know that’s not what he needs so being aware I then also do things that make him feel loved. Know what you want and tell your partner. Trust me it’ll make the relationship a lot stronger because communication is such a critical part. Don’t expect your loved ones to be telepathic!
“It’s all about giving a little here and there and accepting that our spouse’s preferred channel may be different from ours.” Gary Chapman