Isn’t it beautiful when two people unite and say “I do”? Love is something we all look for and when we find it in the right person we take a leap of faith and commit our lives to each other. Movies like Pretty Woman, Maid in Manhattan or Back Up Plan are many women’s ultimate love story that they wish to have. Yes, we know it’s unreal but do we really? As women, our idea of romance is derived from over-the-top gestures like decorating a garden with lights and candles and creating a romantic ambiance for a candlelight dinner or the guy climbing up the ladder to your flat with a rose between his teeth and a gigantic rock all dressed up in a gorgeous black suit. We like this stuff and probably fantasize about it and even say “awwww how sweet is that?!” Think about how unrealistic movies are. When we watch a movie we are captured by the scenes but don’t pay attention to the impractical parts of it. “Is it possible for one person to decorate a garden within a short span of time or for a guy to be dressed in a suit climbing up a ladder to propose to a woman?”. These images are in our heads creating an unconscious expectation of what we expect from a man. The reverse is true too. In a movie, the actress is always immaculately dressed, flawless skin, and in great shape whether she’s in bed or cooking or even after giving birth. These images feed off the idea that women should look good regardless of their circumstances. The question I have is how real is this? But also does it not create an illusion of what love is? Love isn’t the grand gestures that are done in movies especially during early days of courting and nor is love based on how amazing the person looks.
Besides, love isn’t the big show that is done on Valentine’s Day or the extravagant weddings to show the world how much you love each other. Love is in the small stuff. Love is what he/she makes you feel when you are around that person. Love is making you a better person, helping you to discover you. Love is about being honest about your dark and good side and knowing that you are safe and loved.
The reason for this blog is because our ideals of a relationship, the expectation of what our partner should and what love is are twisted. Because we have unrealistic expectations, many relationships result in separation or divorce. A week ago, I was watching Back up Plan and noticed how Jennifer Lopez said to the single moms “he’s just different, and there is something about him”. I was gobsmacked because I’ve heard myself say that before. What do these phrases really mean? It’s important to be able to list out exactly why you like someone and saying ‘he’s different or I like the way he makes me feel’ isn’t enough. What it really says is “you’ve got the hots for someone and are infatuated.” It’s fine to be infatuated but it’s equally important to be aware of that. When you say you are in love, you should be able to pinpoint characteristics, values and ideals you are attracted to in your partner. When you aren’t quite sure and yet take the relationship to the next level, it is very likely to go downhill. Being unsure of why you like someone can lead to a possibility of not liking the person in the future which means you are likely to end it. When you like someone for something that can change like body, hair, style etc. it doesn’t secure the relationship because with time these things change.
As I write this, I’ve written what attracts me to my man. Not only does it remind me of the love I have but also what we have as a couple. Join me in celebrating your love by writing it down and better yet telling your partner what draws you to him/her. I’m sure she/he will be so touched. 🙂
“I like not only to be loved but also to be told I’m loved.” — George Eliot