Have you ever met someone and felt so completely connected that you trusted them immediately? It’s as if you’ve known the person for years and they could do no wrong. I’ve had that feeling many times. The funny thing is that these people that I’ve trusted are no longer around. Doesn’t it make you wonder what happened? If I trusted them and it felt right and we connected so well, wouldn’t that friendship last a lifetime? Well, through these experiences I’ve realised a few things.
1) Am I trusting them because I look at the world believing that everyone is good, kind and nice? Did that person actually earn my trust? Was it merely words? Was action followed with what was being said to me? As the old expression goes, “Actions speak louder than words”.
2) Do I trust too easily because they seem nice? In the world we live in, evil is masked and is in disguise. Those that lie, steal and break promises are regular people and these people know how to fool good people. Sociopaths and Narcissists seem to live in abundance, growing stronger over time through their manipulation and control of others.
3) Do I forgive easily because I am a good person but am allowing evil people to harm me? There is a difference between forgiving and keeping contact. In the past, I’ve accepted bad behaviour and allowed such people to continue their hurtful actions. I have felt the need to forgive as society seems to promote that idea. Forgiveness is necessary for us to move on. But is it? I don’t need to forgive them if I’m not there yet. I also do not need to have them in my world. It’s fine to keep these people that harm me at a distance to protect ourselves.
4) Are they really interested in what I’m interested in? I remember a guy who pretended to be interested in Lord Krishna because he knew I was. He went along to the Mandir with me but knew nothing about what to do when he was there and yet he was a Brahmin and claimed to be spiritual. I saw him as a good guy who went to the temple with me. I didn’t notice the various odd parts of his behaviour. Those people that are into something would know enough about the topic. Also, if they behave like they want to learn about what you know, notice how they react, comment and what they do with that knowledge.
5) So how do I avoid this from reoccurring? Observe what’s going on when meeting someone new. Are they truly interested in me or is it a selfish motive? If it is selfish, does it bring me harm and to what extent? We are all mostly selfish to a degree and that is acceptable but as long as it’s obvious and not masked by pretending to be someone we are not.
I know of a girl who pretended to care to the extent she tried to sabotage everything I have. Through this experience, I’m beginning to see that some people are very clever and that they know how to seem interested in things that interest you. They will draw you to them but their interest isn’t real. It’s a very clever illusion that is spun with the purpose of damaging ourselves. In the past I kept my heart on my sleeve. Don’t do what I did. Let people earn your love even in friendship. Love and give but make sure you aren’t being mistreated. Make sure you notice what isn’t done. Inaction is a huge sign. Some people will say what they need to say to get what they need to have.
Be alert in love. Never love with eyes closed even in friendship.
“Trust is hard to come by. That’s why my circle is small and tight. I’m kinda of funny about making new friends.” — Eminem
“Trust not too much to appearances.” Virgil