What I Did After My Father Left

What I Did After My Father Left

  I grew up in a broken family. I must say had it not been for the rough experiences, I would not be here sharing this blog. After my father decided to leave us for another woman with barely any financial support, we had to suddenly go through a lot emotionally and mentally. Because my father had left, I felt the need to grow up and take care of my mom. Clearly she was devastated and due to that, I toughened up and was her shoulder to cry and lean on. Over the course of the next few years, I did not really deal with what had happened but just kept going. I was taking care of her, myself and the bits and pieces around the house. One would say that is quite normal. When her grieving period was over, I should have stopped allowing her to sulk, complain, nag or fix her situations or problems. That was wrong because I was enabling her to continue to be stuck. I was sending her the message that it was okay to be in that state and that I would sort everything out for her. The damage of that is that she did not get the chance to learn to take care of herself or even her children. She did not learn to buckle up and smile after the shit hit the fan. She learnt to continue to blame others and not take responsibility and I take responsibility for having enabled her. I want to focus on enabling and how many of us do it without realizing because we think we...
Setting Boundaries

Setting Boundaries

Boundaries. It was an alien word to me until I started reading a book entitled “Beyond Boundaries” by Dr. John Townsend. I always thought that when someone crosses the line you don’t react to it but in all honesty I do and that’s the stage I am at. I am still developing and do feel pain or insult when it comes my way so pretending to not let it get to me isn’t being honest to myself. Honesty is the first step to self development. Another thing I learnt was when someone is rude or insulting (negative energy) send unconditional love to that person because the positivity you send will protect you from the negative words and tone coming from that person. But I realized I’m not there yet as well. When small things occur I let go easily but when someone insults or puts me down in ways that disturb me I need to draw boundaries to protect myself. I do not react by yelling or screaming but I do believe in self defense which means self respect and self value. I remember whenever I would have a tiff with a friend I’d be the one to bend down and initiate contact or even do something as “humbling” as saying sorry for doing no wrong. This I realized recently is sending a message that you can continue to mistreat me and I’ll forgive you and it’ll all be ok. That’s not the message I have in mind. But that’s the message others get when I bend over backwards when I shouldn’t. That’s just how our mind works. The...